One Cheap Ugly Thing Turns Into The Other

Don't sleep much because I'm stressing. I stress because I don't sleep. I get depressed and I don't even know it. I'm too stupid to know, that, 'that', is what it is, what I'm facing. (I guess. I dunno.) It's been here all my life.
Think of my friend not so far away, and it's difficult for me to visit. It's too much. There's a psychological 'barrier' as it were with me there and it, and I don't know why. I don't breathe very well all throughout the night.
Even during the day, I stop breathing from time to time, and it adds up. Get busy, do, and it's right, wonderful, but if you mess with my logic, I blow up, typically, on you. Who's at fault? You? Me? My 'physicality'?
Delivered Via Akasha

HERE

Seems to me, I've got a title on this blog with such a heading. Well, this one's different. I've not much time and even less to impart, what, I've not even considered beforehand. Oh well. Done.
Delivered Via Akasha

How I Wish

Left our party early. Dunno why exactly. Ate well, up to a point, and then I ate crap, and had to leave, big time. I felt like crap. So sad lonely tired. Didn't know just what to do. My eyes were weepy. Had to leave. Didn't care. Just, left. Didn't say any thing to any one, and I don't think any one noticed. Felt like a ghost at my own funeral, or wake. Sad. Terrible. Ineffectual. How I wish I could have rewound the thing, started over, in a great mood, and enjoyed myself. Couldn't Can't Didn't Won't Don't. How I wish...nothing. Nothing now. Now I don't care. I'm here, I want some great food and good company, but I don't care. I want to write all the words down in order, that I thought about exactly as they came, this morning. I don't want to make something else up. I want exact, what I had, to come flowing, through pen, I like, exact, and know, and KNOW I know. The End.
{From The Handheld}

Simple Fix

And so, to fix the thing, because it didn't say or tell me directly in an email: Hey, we're changing the way you email mobile, I had to go in and find out for my self. Well, I changed the address in the Contacts file, and hope is, I won't have to keep now answering my computer's prompt here for which address? Because I deleted or changed the old one. So, how do I do that? Keep the BB here from asking me which one? I typed it already, and it popped out both with a window, asking...ah well, as long as the site accepts my addresses. That's the main thing. I went into the web site settings and selected Post Immediately for the options to these emails I send. And then just changed, but I guess maybe I shouldn't have, because now and maybe forever it will ask? Well, it wasn't on there, the secret words box, a box literally said that, and I was considering, well, let's think of something clever to put in there? Do I need to? What was there before? So. Here we go. Post!
{From The Handheld}

I Would Love To Be Able To

Kick people in the face, in the head, whenever they make you feel uncomfortable. They probably deserve it, and they have NO right making You, Mr Wisdom, Miss Innocent, out of sorts. A good quick blow to the noggin, which puts them out, allows for slow memory recovery, or none at all, is just what all these idjit-galoots deserve. Where do they get off, you know? Obviously not at the previous stop, which is where they'd be (Away from your proximity.), if they'd gone and done the sensible thing. But, they're not sensible folk, are they? That's why they're in your face, getting frustrated, then taking it out on you. Stupid.
Delivered Via Akasha

IT'S TIME!

OK. Enough! Time to END the Patriot Act. Stop all the fecking feckless corn-fed dog-shiite policies (foreign and domestic), and get back to business. Real Good Business. Good Neighbor Policies, etc. Do it. Do it Right. Do It Right NOW!!!

Facebook vs Twitter

The action is on Twitter. People are funnier. Both tend to ignore you however, unless you're super clever, or insulting.

THIS IS THIS

This is this, this is this. What the hell does that mean? This is this? It's not something else, Stanley. Not something else.
The Deer Hunter. A movie by Michael Cimino, was a real nut-cracker for people when it came out. Real good flick. American's dealing with Viet Nam, the war and how it affected us, in a small Pennsylvania town. Yeah. Impact. Crazy. Damn. Good film. Should see it again. If you've not. You should. It's not meant as any disrespect for any one who has served in the Military. It's just about people and their dealing with the crap of life. Real good, even or in spite of the dramatics of the piece. I mean, it is a movie after all. Every thing in that form, or book or play has a sort of arch drama to it...heightning things, presenting ideas emotions, trying to get keep you involved. Some times things work. Some times they do not. I tell ya, this one for the most part all works. Pretty much. Enjoy. The Deer Hunter.

The Last Hour, A DRAG!

That last hour before your parentals left for the weekend to leave you alone, was always a drag, completely the worst. You did yourself no favor by starting in early on your misdeeds, or, even waiting 45 minutes. Your best bet was to sit quietly or take a shower and clean your room, even then waiting at least 1\2 hour after they left, just to be sure.
Delivered Via Aether

STOP IT ALREADY!!!

OKAY! Right then. No more confessional CEO AD’s on TV, saying how we’re human, behind you, and every thing’s going to be okay. Sure, there’s plenty of oil in the U.S., in the North of America, but so what? For all that steam processing to get the shale out of the ground and into something useful, it’s going to kill us 4 thousand times over. And, 2030 is not that far away, right? We won’t have the infrastructure, the biosphere to subsist, much less exist. STOP IT ALREADY! And stop killing people over seas just to get oil in the guise of we’re doing this for democrazy. Whose? Yours? Mine? OURS? Certainly not THEIRS! That’s imperialism, insanity! STOP IT ALREADY!!

Why do we have to pay good money out for people who just can’t live alongside one another? People who say they’re so damned oppressed and crucified, HA! In the court of public opinion, that have camps for others they say are always hitting them first, and, we’re only retaliating because they bombed us. Well, who has them in Camps? Sections of the city you supposedly control and maintain with guns and razor wire? F-THAT, and F-YOU!! STOP IT ALREADY! I say the whole place is holy. Okay. Right. On that we agree, right?
Okay. FENCE THE PLACE OFF. KICK EVERY ONE OUT! NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN OR OUT, PERIOD! Install 20’ tall fencing, topped with glass and barbed wire that is electrified, and that if some one so much as goes within 10 feet of it, they’re reduced to ash, much like those “Ground Snakes” fire works you can still get at or around fireworks times in the U.S.A. Yes, you’re ground snakes, dark gray ash material. Vaporized I’d like to see. Lasers on turrets doing the trick, auto-magically. It’s holy after all, right? Right! Stop it already! We’re borrowing money from China to exist. We’re invading other countries like cysts or cancerous lesions, it’s crazy. WHY? To root out terror, evil? We’re the terrorists! We’re the EVIL! It’s US! Why are we going in for their oil? To bankrupt them? It’s bankrupting US, dumb-shits! Stop It Already!!

Thought I Was Going To Sierra Nevada

Went on a trip today. That's about the size of it. Went on a trip today and while I thought for sure the GOLD LINE Metro Rail was finished and was going to go the whole route, I went what I could and spent not a lot of money, but had one hell of a day just riding trains.
First a Japanese light rail Vehicle. Then, an Italian one. Next came the Deutsche, or German one...and that was the nice clean (newest) bugger of all three rail Vehicles that Los Angeles Metro Rail has. Quiet as well. By far the most quiet of the three. Most clean and new things are. But not all. Some clean and new things don't work worth a crap or damn or whatever. But not any of these trains. They ALL worked quite well, regardless of where they were "from". The Japanese trains had seats made in Canada. I don't know exactly where the others came from. Doesn't matter. Same bit of ugly multi-colored fuzzy carpet on the backs and seats. Majorly Dodger blue with colored balls on them, the colors of the various trains, and on the maps and route indicator placards, there are round colored circles on them with the same color scheme. Coincidence? DEFINITELY! They didn't plan this crap, no freaking way!
Guess I'll drive to Temecula tomorrow...or something like that. Maybe not. I'll let you know.

The Man With No Point

NEED seven 8 or at least three beers right about now. Acually 9 hours of sunlight just like this and this much warmth. I don't need any noise, just the ringing in my ears. I don't want any one calling me but for to come over and put some serious fox on my pox. I don't know otherwise. She won't call. Never did. But how is it she was insanely intense on me? Laughing, throwing her head back. What did she think? Who am I? That's what I was considering. Who am I? What am I doing here and when am I going to go back? When will I be able to? It's depressing, I tell you. All I want to do here is sit and read, and I can't even do that!

Sam Juan Hill

‪‪  "What in Sam Hill has gotten into you?" My Mother used to say. And "Jimminy Cricket!"
I consider 'ON' would be more apropos, no? What ON Sam Hill...if it's a Hill, and not...what, a person? Right. So, you know, San Juan. That was the Hill they stormed 'ON', right? WRONG! It was another next to it, a hummock, [Kettle Hill] that sounded less interesting, and so San Juan it was. Like, "He's Dead, Jim. He's dead." Okay. Proof! You don't need it. Take my word for it, all right? We don't do that kind of thing around here. Well, well, yes, in fact we do. But so what? When you go to get your passport, you get money to the original source, and they sort of make an original for you. And that's not a long form, and no one bitches and moans about it. In time your passport arrives, and these days, with an RFID. You could get a long/record of ... but that wouldn't be necessary. Because it just isn't. The long thing is something else. Part and parcel of your birth record, but so what? Jimminy Cricket! People, there are more important issues at stake. We're killing in Afghanistan; Cambodia, Laos, Paris, Paraguay, Iran, Syria, Iraq; wherever there's oil, right? People are being beaten at Sporting events for no good reason...and, as if there were a good one? What then? It's a Sporting event. We're all here/there to watch a show. Leave one another be. What in or on Sam Juan Hill, has gotten into you, onto us?‬
Delivered Via Aether

COLD

Ate Chicken Fried Steak, Green Beans, Mashed Potato and gravy. Had 4 small dinner rolls and some iced tea. Yet, am cold. I should be plenty warm, but I'm cold. It might be that I have a tiny abrasion on my skull, something to cry about, because my skull has been on fire these past few days, but nothing I put on would stop the itch. Tried several sprays and aloe-tea tree mix salves, and just nothing has done it...except caffeine, had a lot of late and that's even helped my pulled muscle or what as that on my right side, what pop-popped a week ago I can't say, but it's on/from a side I've had problems with from time to time, leaning over and bumping things and causing pain for about a month, which takes its time to abate. Whatever. Who cares? I scraped the skull just before going in for our meal out on the town this evening. Oh well. Hockey game in 25 minutes. Wish I had a beer and someone to have sex with. A large beer. An average sized, good-looking woman, who knows what I want, and can take care of me, with minor intervention on my part. I enjoy a smart woman, I must say.
Delivered Via Aether

There We Go

There we go. Had a pot of coffee yesterday, last night in fact, and STILL went pretty much right to bed. I've not had a pot of coffee (about 4 or 5 cups on this one), in years! Last I did that, I was up all night, walked to Hillsdale Shopping Center from my home in Foster City, and had the worst diarrhea anyone has ever known. It was two pots of espresso beans, and I was all by my self trying to write or not be bored or something. Dangerous either way, I tell you!
Went asleep last night with a pain in my head that visits today as well, and a pain that jumped on my chest at the last minute before slumber. (Chest pain, indigestion, is not evident now.)
I had been up super late the night before, and got up fairly early, and so I was going up doing most of the day with friends and some coffee, not a whole lot, but had some booze as well. 3 small beers, one, a Dos Equis 'amber' (headache inducer I think, but allergies do it most), and a Pacifico, which I enjoy more, then a pint bottle of extra hoppy stuff from Coronado, CA.
Then, later on, some Laprohaig whisky, and a Nat Sherman cigar. I only had a small snifter glass of the hard stuff, and a cube of ice with that. The cigar was good and bad, and I smoked it furiously as far down as I could. Tasting wet nasty-assed dirty tray flavored every now and again. Oh, well!
Couldn't concentrate or even relax much by myself then to watch some TV I'd recorded. I deleted several after only a few minutes. Was so bored. It's okay, but my headache...persists. Wish I could just you know, get on a plane or train in first class and have phone and tablet I want need and service that's as advertised, and just read and write and post away! I have so many too many fricken things to read, and not enough people to read me, or pay my way through this wonky syrupy sludge of an inexplicable, confusing existence. Enjoy!!
Delivered Via Aether

HEADACHE

HEADACHE. I mean HEADACHE. Wish it was because I've not had a cup of coffee for three days in a row but such is not the case. Wish it was because I have not had 6 or 8 small sized solid milk chocolate candy Easter Eggs, but such is not true. No. I've got a headache the size of Milwaukee and I don't know the culprit. I see all right. I haven't been reading...been in the house and I'm a little off. Don't know why.
This is the first journal entry in here in a while. I don't know why. I can't get my brain around it. I don't have the mobile blog effort going. I can't blog there. I don't know how/why. It's annoying. I could text if I could get it going but don't want to text blog. That's DUMB. Besides, the links they tell you to go to and what to do to get it going, doesn't work so far...so, F that...besides, I don't need to be texting in my posts. The blog is for sentences and paragraphs. Concepts. Things. Ideas. Stories! So, they don't happen with Tweets. Which is what texting is to me. I don't want to use all my Texts for the month on this.

TITLED BLISS

Well, another cat has passed on as they say. She was looking at the water from the overflow area of the jacuzzi, sipping water, sitting, laying down and sleeping. She stared out at the water, maybe that's where her neighbor buddy brother cat died, in the water, (I know this for a fact, it did die in the water, or I found him there and fished the poor bugger out.), and she later died herself, in the flower bed, under my window.

12:32 A.M. PACIFIC

Finally are we satisfied? Did we do the damage to the finances etc that we wanted and needed to do, to be wholly content? I certainly hope so. I've spent enough money. Too much. Must find out. Feels over the limit, way out of line. I have to stop. I now know that I must heed these last "friendly" warnings...who knows? I may not survive to pass this way again...well, enough quoting the speaker utterances of the Pirates Of The Carribean ride at Disneyland...dead men do tell tales, and most good writers are dead long gone and who cares about that? I don't. Certainly. Who? A bunch of crap is on its way. I want to get laid and get a new phone tomorrow...as well as do laundry and see a bunch of movies. I have the over whelming feeling or had it on my way home from Long Beach tonight, of my weekend being over. I hate that feeling...usually I feel it hit me on my Friday night...and it hit again, per usual...and dammit all I had earlier the feeling overwhelming too when I was trying to sleep, take a nap earlier, (Something I rarely do.) that, saying to myself, I wouldn't mind seeing/having 3 or 18 weekends come and go and have my self spend not a cent on any thing but food for the week, you know? That's why I cry, but not why my eyes hurt. (Can't figure that one out.) My mouth is not so dry. I don't feel as if there's bile and I just must you know get to bed right now. Busy day tomorrow. Lot's of things to do and hard decisions to make.

Trying Doing Something

Oh, man. We really want to do something good for people before we leave this big dump of a planetary orb. Yeah, give back to something that has given us way too much. We don't know what to do. We're approaching the 50 year mark and we're as hopeless and enfeebled as we were when we first stumbled upon the linoleum or whatnot surface as that around 1962 or so, when we really got around. We were born in the Winter of 61' and all HELL was about to break loose. If you look at things now a bit, you'd think or see/say much the same. It's freaking CRAZY around here. People dying, protesting, going bankrupt, going to hell, STUPID! LAME! Incredibly dumb. What can be done? What on earth do we do? I am simply at a loss, completely overwhelmed. Sorry. Good Night, poopers. Good Night!

Kristina and Richard

OXFORD, MISS.

WELL, there you have it. Richard and Kristina (his wife) FORD will be at OXFORD TOWN for the New Year, a teaching and making money, a steady paycheck a piece, and you won't be there. No. No you won't, because that's for people who're writers. Folks who are signed up for classes and enrolled at the University of Mississippi, the place where Faulkner, William Clemmons Neal, Thomas Ellis Neal, and Neesa Neal all went for school. But YOU can't go. NO. You have perhaps DECADES of "learning". Hoops and Chutes which you cannot afford and ultimately do not have the life to live through, to get. FUCK!!

I Know But I Don't Know

I don't know why I don't know, what I don't know. If I knew that, why, I'd know everything!
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EYE BODY HEALTH NET

My eye (on the left side) is better now. I can see how I need to put warm compresses on it where I haven't...just been too busy, and, have wanted needed, desired, to go to bed, to sleep, (very much so,)during the work-week.
My body is okay but I want change, from this to that. Out of here. It's okay. Healthy enough, I suppose, but, whatever. We've got it...just like, we've got net now, since for 5 weeks it seems, we've not had it. But, dunno, maybe it's only been three.