Friday, April 25, 2008


Okay so there you go, you know? You don't want to but you do any way. How do you stop it? There doesn't seem to be an answer. What do you do in spite of every thing any way? What is the answer? There isn't one. Okay. What do you do? How do you resolve it? HOW ABOUT IT?
I mean, you know? What do you do? There must be some means for ameliorating the pain the anguish the frustration the compounded stupidity that is life some know? Get a girl and secretly, to yourself, fuck with the anger and frustration in you and have the thought the saying: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU?
You know, one of those (You don't really hate your partner) really good "hate" fucks? Do you know what I mean? I don't. I don't have clue one. I'm not in the program. I'm not part of the parade. I'm not involved with the rest of the festival. I'm not involved. I know nothing about it. Sure. Run. Go running with your dog. That's that beautiful slightly older Chinese chick on the sidewalk just now, with her pet, and black shorts, tight, beautiful...sweet scene...running...ah, shit. Fuck. That's right. Hate fuck. Running down the sidewalk just as fast as you can...trying to get off the fucking hate hell shit fuck there is in life, out of your system...out of exhaustion to what you experience now and again after a good hot shower...relaxing in clean comfortable cotton clothing...warm sun or not....gray cool skies out and you're inside with a cup of hot cocoa/chocolate (mint) and marshmallows....and sipping right there next to the window in a comfortable chair and great book. Journal and perfectly working favorite medium point fountain pen....ah, yeah. PEACE. Grant Us This Peace. Please. some point in the future, let us please have this peace and when it comes then, please, please, please, please, PLEASE!!!!!! Never let it go away, EVER!!!!!!!

Monday, April 21, 2008


If true, this really sucks. Yes, the world...if you...and they...but you...

This artist had a website and this content was taken and made into a book in China....supposedly...and you know, no one is getting rich off it I guess...but, the person is getting exposure, eh?

What price to pay for fame.
Oh it's easy to say over here, well, I'd rather not have my peace lost if I have to have my self out there and on 24/7 just to make a living...f-that, you know? But, with issues of international art, stealing...well, shouldn't it all be free? Not if someone is taking your stuff and selling it.
Only is that wrong? I don't know. Don't even know if any of this is the truth.

Friday, April 18, 2008

In Times Like These

In times like these we learn to live/love/learn again. In times like these. These are the crucial hours where you're alone and you have no one...not one soul to turn to or talk with to even conjecture a theory about a premise of life, or any thing, that, could save yours...nothing and no one....and you rely again on your self and you are saved. You set your self free as it were...
Something happens. You have time. You write in a journal. You release the hell that is within side you and you are free. On paper the recording of the thoughts and feelings and utter sickness is vacated...and some how, you are free. Some how it can if you believe, save others. Who knows? It could save you at a later date. Never know. Never know. I hope so. I hope. That is all. That is all.
I go to bed. I go to sleep. Now. I have to. I cannot do this any more. In times like these. I have an idea of what to do tomorrow. Search that book off place again. I want a book. I want a manga or three. I usually find something. I can. I must sleep (NOW!) and I cannot afford and to be quite honest I have plenty to read here...but not for me to do now, NOW, be ... to do more reading...not like the manga the fiction therein where I feel alive that way...the Chinese writer...the words the work the stuff like that...what is it? What? What makes the magic happen like that? Where can I find it in what I have? How? How can I get it in re-reading stuff like Spider Jerusalem's tale in the comics I have...and move on? Move on. Move on. Move on....and not consider that these those recurring thoughts like: Get the Fool Moon book by Jim Butcher. Look for it at all the used book stores around you...stop. STOP. STOP wasting time like that. After the juice. After the whatever what have you, get to the damn thing, get to the coffee shop and sit and read with the Berlin Alexanderplatz. Get the bagel and cream cheese. Sit. Drink cool tea. Get Greek food. Relax...sit...sleep. Now, sleep. Go to bed and sleep now. Maybe you can stop shaking your leg up and down like a sewing machine and sleep. Shit. What a day. What anger. What that crap did and what it Sleep. Be unaware. Oh oblivion, where are you?

Friday, April 11, 2008

Triumph and Disaster

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same;"
---Rudyard Kipling
YES, that's the ticket. If. If you can...if...but secretly, maybe, you can't. Most of us rarely can, and it's not from a lack of trying, but despite that, we often fail...though it's true we often succeed!
Best deal is to move. Move along and treat most elements like you're blind or deaf in one ear or something like that. Yeah, sure, why not? Why bother fretting or complaining all the time? Why bother thinking all the time? Singing or whatnot such as that? If you do any one thing too much...that's just's too much on one subject/topic. You have to have balance. You have to be able to do many things....and maybe that means master of none, I don't know, I don't care. It doesn't matter either way, I'll bet. Just doesn't matter.
I like to read. I love to actually. I love to write. I love to go to bookstores and pick out books. Buy them with endless supplies of cash and buy at will, totally free, and fully expect I'll read all these things and enjoy the hell out of them. For the most part, I do. But, it's getting to them that's the major pain in the ass.
Ran into Claudia today. It's been a year since she left, and what were the chances I'd be there at that coffee shop and we'd meet and chat and all such as that? Or, that we'd been meeting at work where we used to work and meet and hug and say hello and chat? What? What are/were the chances?
I got the Killawatt-3 unit for DAD today as well as a book: Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio, by Pu Songling. Just a book of stories...some so old...from a man who wrote for the kings...way back when....way back when....1640-1715. (Never published in his lifetime. There's another book as well: Story of the Stone, by Cao Xueqin, (In 5 volumes!) which, if I like these, I might get.)
Went by a used book store twice for manga books at a discountlooking, looking, looking...trying to find something else to buy, to read, though I really didn't/don't need it. IT'S CRAZY! Must go somewhere to have my head cleared. I have a craziness. I have $173.00 in my bank and must make it into next week.
The Lab that had as their job my ground off tooth impression, blew it. So, I have another 2 weeks to wait. Eating still on my right side. Got a needle in my gums for my effort to make it on time to the dentist today. Okay. Right. Perfect. Saw Street Kings, the James Ellroy screenplay story. Brutal is right. I liked it. Probably won't see it again, but, you never know...I sort of guessed what up as it was finishing, but, what the hell, crazy ride. And that's what's, it delivered. Can't complain. A lot of manga / yakuza film tales are like that, so what's the difference? It's in Japanese, right? Big deal. Domo Arigato. Moving On.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008


Don't wait for your "ship to come in" and feel angry and cheated when it doesn't. Get going with something small.- Irene Kassorla

This is the word of the day, you know? That's it. Start with something and keep it going...maybe you'll end up somewhere you thought about as in big dreams big time, etc., but if not, it might be a blessing...because from what you've seen, tis' a big dumper and maybe as Kipling once said of I think it was failure and success: that they're both imposters...if it wasn't that, it was that if you think you've failed or succeeded, you're going to be right in both cases or...who knows...I'll get it back to you later perhaps...

Well, later on....I'm thinking....I'll have to research the Kipling poem IF, and that's where I recall it from....I can't quote it here I don't think....I don't know if I can use the opening quote in here. But coins. Of the realm. Reality. Things having two faces: Janus: Happy Sad well, they're both impostors. You deem what you deem or redeem what you do all along the way and really, the reactions to things....they're just what it is....that, things can be other. Stuff isn't all black and white. It's gray. It's all dependent on your viewpoint and you shouldn't belabor stuff I guess. More later. When time/opportunity allows. We might even scrap all of this yet....

Saturday, April 05, 2008


This odd realization comes over me in waves, while watching Three Days Of Rain, presented by Wim Wenders; "I could be reading manga right now. Yes. I could even be reading some kind of short Japanese novel, be sitting in a chair by an open window, sunlight over my shoulder, pen in hand, paper there too, writing....but, as it's night time and feels like rain as I'm watching this film by Don Meredith's son, with my mom on the couch nearby, what a waste in a way. I should have just watched the Japanese Sci-Fi flick or Horrorshow I was originally considering."
Yes, I was really considering it. Felt like shutting the film off. I had on earlier the (Wanted to see this film long ago: "The Good German".) Section 8 film, a collaboration between Clooney and Soderbergh. Both these titles were bummers...but I felt really good earlier about finding them and wanting to watch them...because I thought it'd be easier to watch them than the weird/violent Japanese/Korean films or the Russian title (Andrey Roublyov, as it's in some places spelled, but you probably won't find the title in the Netflix queue like that, it's more Russian in spelling...the Cyrillic characters I don't have, but would use as my search just found it.) I thought to see several different items...and to come home and eat some of the Mint flavored crunch green and white M&M nuggets, a promotional line for the new Indiana Jones flick, due next month, entitled The Crystal Skull or something such as that.
Yes, found a new comic store....this one in Fountain Valley, outskirts of Santa Ana, and a fella in there that has tons of books, and has them laid out and easy to find and a big store and method and madness of doing business. Birds in his place. Parakeets and Doves. TV going.
Got my hairs cut. Found a gal who had vacated another store I used to frequent, but used a different one because it was near, an old chain, but near where I was for lunch and Manga book purchase...pen ordering possibility, and, who knows what all. I have checks to do. I have things coming in the mail: TPB of Ellis. Chinese book of supernatural short stories. An electronic meter, for DAD in Mexico. It should be fun.
Went for a walk with Mom this afternoon. Some kind of deal. Went by a place I go to some times for pizza and beer, forgetting that it's cash only. And ordered, cracked open the Heineken did they, and oops! Sorry. Fuck. Well, that's that then. Moving on. Walked back home and then drove to the Burrito place and went by the bank and took notes by the window before the meal and for the digestion of the Dos Equis Amber and lime wedge. (Note to self: Don't pop the lime wedge in and not expect a frizzy backwash of beer coming out the top of the bottle. It will. Be careful.) On the way, I was a bit frustrated. Mom was lagging behind and it required a bit of waiting for her to get ready before we took off even. What to do. What to do. What to do. I'm tired. It's my Sunday, Saturday the 5th, and I'm just now only relaxing and ready to sit and read and you know, it's time to prepare for Sunday (My Monday.), and the new week. FUCK!
Didn't read any of the new comics I purchased. Not Anna Mercury, the latest from Warren Ellis, or Ben Templesmith's Dead Space. Nope. I did at the place in Fountain Valley, pick up a couple of superhero comics of Ellis', some kind of stupid thing I don't know what all...and some Spawn issues, with Brian H's name on them. He's the fella I met at Wizard World in Downtown L.A. at the Convention Center a while ago. I hadn't seen Brian in yonks. Went to school with him and Chip S., Martin F., and cousin to Renee, (A gal I know from CSM, dated ol' Dave T.), Anthony C.
Spoke with Jim D today and felt like I'd really like to just get on the train and go to downtown and sleep it off...just get shit-faced and relax. Get a hooker and get bent. Get to sleep. Eat at an all night downtown at Ralph's...and buy some books at the Library store, esp. sic. the "flexible" Moleskine notebooks...though yesterday, I found what could be the least expensive place to purchase the Moleskine (At least in Orange County.), Westminster Art Supply Warehouse...though they don't have all the pens I want/need/like...I can order them, because of a guy there I know, some one I met at work, because he visits frequently, used to work at another place I go to...and, he informed me of the Pen, this all button hooks or dovetails or something, and I like it quite nicely. That's it for now. I'll internet connection is crap again...and, to note...I'm seriously thinking of getting and trying out Verizon's Broadband card, but NOT going to go 2 year Just month to month....hell, I could buy my own card and sign up, but, you know, that'd be most expensive and would...they probably wouldn't let me...fuck them.