Thursday, September 25, 2008


At the risk of cutting my own arguement, I must say: NO, GODDAMMIT! NO!!! If I were to make a video for You Tube right now, I'd cue the sound byte from the Tom Leykis program from radio to blurt: NO, GODDAMMIT, NO! And then I'd say, as my Introduction To Broadcasting teacher at Loyola Marymount said many eons ago: Don't Believe Everything You Hear...or see, or for that matter, read. He began the session with the serious description of a device called a Lumagraph...we duly made the diagram as he put it up on the chalk-board. Well, now, aint that special? WTF?!
Did you swallow hook line and sinker that crap BUSH spewed on TV last night? I refused to watch it. Why? Not because I had to get up at 3 A.M. and go swimming in my pool and make it to work on time at 6.30 A.M. Pacific...a few hours later, after the requisite reading and writing in my car, etc. No. But even though those are very nearly excellent reasons, I deemed his drivel beneath me. I have considered this buffoon or arrogant arse, beneath my reckoning. At least in the sense that every one knows this 700 ++++++++ bail out, is a pay back to his buddies, and nothing more. Every one with a scintilla of sense knows this. Ask John/Jane Q Public on the street, and they'll concur, but NO ONE and I mean NO ONE has the guts to do any thing about it. NO ONE WILL. We will allow this bull-f-sh-- to pass and suck it up, like sucking up the sawed-off, double barrel, over and under, 12 gauge shot-gun, with triple aught buck, and blowing our collective craniums off our brain-stem/torsos. Gladly, it would seem. Here, you doggone idjit-galoot. Eat these mudpies. Oh, yessssss. I luv-em, I luv-em. More Please.
I say NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO!!! Shove this Bush where the sun doesn't shine. Stop this idiotic moron from ruining our country more than he and his minions already have. STOP. STOP. STOP! NOW.

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Okay, so I've not written in here in a while. They tell me that doing this, it removes from the self the necessary energy needed to write...stories...that which we've not been composing of late...but have been living...there have been meet & greets and 10 year anniversaries at work and much much to much food and not nearly enough drink...but, hey, it's not all about not having sex, is it? Could be, could be, but one thing is for sure, too much of it is not enough...not enough of it is plenty, and some day some way, some where, some how, I'm going to figure it all out, or ... or not. But, either way, I'll write about it.

Saturday, September 13, 2008


Can't believe she just left me like that. High and well...vapid. You know, nothing. There is nothing. None of them respond. And when I do reach out, it's too late. Shit. Is this the best I can do? I don't completely like them...not like that. I mean, I don't want marriage or babies. Not those two monsters. NO WAY! But a serious committed relation-ship? Yeah, sure, I'd like that. It would be good to try on for size, because I aint making it here alone. Not like this in the big house of my spiritual birth. No. Sure, there have been writings from here and caused from here, but it's over, done, gone...we HAVE to make some thing out of all this and we're not and it's depressing. The women come and go like wraiths in a dimly lit bar in an unincorporated area of Orange County, California, where the various law enforcement agencies who can cover it, out number the reivers.
The clothes they stack up, just like the books and the dust and memories. Can't get enough of them that they don't choke my room like the ginormous amount of piled high shoes make me stumble and fall from time to time. I kind of like it like that I guess I'd say. Must, else wise, we'd change it, no? Right. Change. Change the Change that you're going to Change...Change...Change...Frack!
Dammit! I'm lost again. I am always always lost, and this proves it. There's no hope for me. No hope. I won't do any thing ever again.
NO MORE will I ever have a great meal at a run of the mill restaurant that features local beer and an open pit grill. Great food and atmosphere but way too high in the one to go there one to run with any more...but when was there ever that? When? When did it all end? When?
I'm the ghost. I look at the old phone book and there's no one in there I have a current name (last name/married) address or phone number for. It's depressing. Bothers me. Who to relate to? Who to see? Who calls? Who cares? NO ONE. It doesn't matter. Oh well. So what. Whatever. Never mind...moving on...moving...even that's a farce. Moving. That won't cure or save or salvage any thing. Not one iota. Not a bit. Just do your thing and get on with it. Get out already I guess is the thing. Get out. Move. After you've done it, move. You're not needed/wanted/of "concern" and so should be removed, just like a wart, the carbuncle you had on your neck a few months ago...funny thing dissolved, back into the skin. I'll never look at a pimple the same way, ever again...and just wish we could stop shoving metal objects in my ear to clear out ear wax. It hurts. I don't need to do that...need glasses and sex. Must move on with that...but not do any thing stupid to get it...nothing so desperate as that. Never. NEVER!! NEVER!!!!

Thursday, September 04, 2008


WHAT I DON'T HAVE AND WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE is definitive assurance that the incoming president will abolish the "Patriot" act. And that is a shame. Still can your government detain and imprison any one for any reason the Executive Branch of the government deems "necessary" and not read them any "rights" or tell them why they're being incarcerated.
What you and I don't have are any guarantees that what we do today or tomorrow just won't land us in jail, for an unending term, for whatever reason, and we won't be told why and we won't have to be allowed representation if we cannot afford it and so what and too bad and tough sucker that's just the way it is. You don't like it, live some where else. Kill yourself, etc. Well, I say, F-that F!!
What I don't have right now is a beautiful Korean woman who loves me for who I am and a job that pays the mortgage or rent (if I'm a complete idiot), and in general, takes care of me or any "family" I think I might want to begin, if I'm so dispositioned. No, I don't have that. O miserable me, eh? Who cares?
In a world where Karl Rove is allowed to exist. Where he can crap on television and we're made to be aware of it, we suffer endlessly. We cannot function like decent human beings. We cannot post how stupid and contradictory the public speakers are...but only the Daily Show can on a comedic vein...well, that's just not right. I mean, sure, yeah, right. They get it, I guess that's cool. We're still getting free speech, I mean some one is...but hell, to see these trucks with the old' W in 04 stickers...oh scheiss!! What in the HELL? How can there be that many idiots in the world? They give them the ability to vote! IT'S CRAZY!!! I just hope that my recent change in political party for the Vote in NOVEMBER which I think is the most important vote in our life time, will come through. I some how think that it won't work. I somehow think that something will come along and totally screw it up. I don't know why, but I do. It hurts me to no end. I hope my absentee ballot arrives soon, some kind of confirmation from Neal at the Voting thing in Santa Ana, says, hey buddy, I got your paper work. Soon I'll send (My office workers will.) you your stuff for the new party affiliation you now have, and you'll be able to vote as you wish in November.
What I don't have but you probably do, is the knowledge and faith and confirmation that you can have your cake and eat it. I don't. Having a roof and clothes and work, I do have, but not any satisfaction that my work is of any use to humanity and it's nothing to do with giving back to the world that's allowed me to live in it so far. I guess I owe it something, but maybe I don't. Maybe we have it all wrong.
John and Robert and Malcolm and Martin gave their lives for this country. Jesus indicated that he gave his life for your soul. We're told to live like Jesus. What, are we to publically commit suicide? What the hell? I don't consider that's the right thing to do. I want a public life, sure, want to be popular enough to have companies in Japan want me to sell pens and shirts and pads of paper for them. DEFINITELY I do want that. Desperately I do need that, right now in fact. But, I have to be POPULAR first. I have to have some kind of gimmick or something, right? I have to create some kind of stink. But, if it involves influencing people to commit murder for me, a la Charlie Manson, forget about it, you know? I don't need that. I don't consider the Beatles that good, that they're telling me to start a race riot/war. I really want world peace and I really want jetpacks and understanding and for every one going to have precisely what they want, whenever they want, and for there to be no more suffering, no more. FOREVER. If I ruled the world, it would not be like it is now. I mean, if I could change things, people would be happy right fracking now, and there'd be no doubt that every thing would be okay.
BUT, we don't live in that world. We live in this fracked up one. And this one is supposedly by some people precisely made by GOD and it's done this way on purpose and it's perfect in and of itself so that we are missing something to get us to search and find god and genuflect and bow down and every thing like this, because we're not worthy, etc.
To want is to suffer. To not want, isn't. Okay. I don't want any thing. I feel fine don't I? I'm perfect now, aren't I? I don't need any thing. I don't have a care in the world and what I don't have doesn't matter one iota. Great. Perfect. Done. Can I just die now?