CommentTimeNov 30th 2007 edit (6.388)
368 of these things so far, eh? Pretty good. But I haven't the faintest idea of how to go about creating any thing clever. I can't figure out how to put one of my stupid pictures on here or any thing. I won't lie and say I'm a writer or drug addict or supposed religious nut or any of those other suckeyed mule type of things. I will type professionally and there won't be any intentional typos on this damn thing either. The writing will be neat and transposed. I won't be able to write to you from a mobile device in some pub some where for the simple reason I'd have to drive, and I won't drive drunk. I can't. Sure, I could, but I won't. I'd rather say hello and hope that something clicks. Some day it might but I really think it won't. Not pessimistic, just realistic...I try. I really do...but, if this is effort, you and maybe I can some day see that we know why, it really wasn't ever going to be that I'd be a full time paid writer and loved my life a lot as a result. No. I'm just a frustrated monorail pilot in Orange County some where. Maybe Shell City, maybe not. Maybe in Florida, maybe not. You decide. This is your chance to reject or accept. I am out of the picture. I refuse to accept responsibility with it any more. I'm the stupid git who bought a pen I can't get refills for. I'm the gat-damned idiot who quit my one dentist and went with another and found out later after buying a 700.00 lava/coral tooth cover, that my dentist office doesn't do fridays...I have fridays off...so what the f-ning hell? Why would I blow off a day at work to be in the dentist office on a day to get the tooth cover for which I can't afford because I'm skipping work? I quit my old time dentist because I was tired of getting a crown every time I went in. It was too much. Now, I have a half and a temporary. What is it all about? Grinding and not sleeping. Snoring and apnea....who knows. Who knows. I don't really care for these things. They are a waste of time. Who does them? You hear about people doing them and you wonder. And then you go about reading books. It's not Alphaville. It's Zeroville. Just read Steve Erickson's latest. I love it. Great read. Most accesible book of his to date. Still spilling his philosophy and all, and I'd like to meet with him again some day...same goes for Warren...hard to imagine I'm older than Warren and younger than Steve. Both are with gorgeous lovely women and have careers and are happy. I have neither. Oh well...not going to feel sorry for myself...no sense there...I would and have traded the idea of marriage for the struggle of writing and maybe getting to where I can have some stuff to sell...I have a thing or two and no one thinks a bit to say to me. It's crap obviously and no one with any money to buy is looking because I haven't got it to them...every one here is probably here because in their quietest moments they're lonely for some damn reason. It's a world out there or in here and there's something to it but yet I can't help but feeling that there's a...there's some kind of gimp factor to it as well. People want something out of it. There's a kind of look at me thing to it...I just don't...get it...I don't know why I do it....I've wanted to delete all of this....several times...I've kept going...don't know why....I'll just stop. Hope it prints...is accepted...and try to do no more. I'm going to Pisgah to see a man about a dog. (Translation: I'm off to piddle around by my lonesome right now so let me go, unhindered.)
It's the home page...there...they don't want wankers...too late...too bad I can't get my photos loaded in there. I have some nice photos of me...see the one of me on the boat in here...in '06. Freakin' nightmare I can't work the computer and software and know exactly what is what and what I don't have to piss and whine and be all angry and whatever about because it's really such a silly simple thing....fucking nightmare for me...I hate this shit.