Saturday, July 14, 2007


SATURDAY, JULY 14th, 2007

(Written Sun. or Tue. Evening, 7.30-8 pm, 7/8-10/2007)

ASSES may be (more) stubborn than most people, but even Asses have more sense (than most).
WE came across the ‘pearls before swine’ deal today. “Don’t cast your pearls before swine.” Wisdom to the idiots is useless, because they won’t understand it. OKAY—But it didn’t stop Hay-zeus. He kept at it even though he warned against us doing so.

[“Do as I say, not as I do.” A parent will say, caught in a contradiction, hypocrisy.]

(NOW, does this mean, we don’t have to live a Christ-like life? Not martyr our selves? I heard or I read and felt it was implicit, and I was frightened for sure. I’d never wanted to get eaten by lions in the arena of death. Just because I had to believe in Jesus/Hay-zeus. That was not something I wanted.)

Is all this a "lesson": GOD never gives up on you? What if you believe in Muhammed? Vishnu or Whatnot? I want to believe in/get by on Whatnot. I believe in nothing and everything. From everywhere/thing, I can/do, find wisdom for my flight through this we call life—a trip to death—I don’t want a thing that kills others/kills myself, in the wrong-headed belief that I am or my belief system is THE way & THE only way.
Okay, it works for me. It is THE way, it is THE only way, but I know, I know it’s not. I know it’s not for every one and every one, has the right; the will, the obligation, to try out on-their-own, to compose their own way to live. It’s inherent in this thing, this life—ride to death—that we are (all of us), on it.
We came here, we’re living, we’ll die. That’s the given. How we choose to live it, is more or less up to us (how we choose to live it), or so we think/choose to “believe”. At least it’s what I believe. You may not and I can’t fault you for choosing to believe otherwise. In fact, I hope for your sake, you do! Honestly, I do. Don’t know exactly why I believe this, but I do. It’s strictly a thing based on faith for me here. Pure-gestalt? Better look that one up. Not sure it’s properly utilized. (It is. Parts being a whole. Perception based on context.) Any way, for now, that’s that. I’ve lost my place. Sorry. I must go to sleep now. Been trying to do that for nearly 2 hours...
It started when I began to not want to have to believe in god, the devil, jesus and stuff; in phantoms and horns and shit like that. I didn’t want to HAVE to believe in that. Wanted to go my own way, live my life, not hurt any one, least of all my self and yet still be a success, live on my own, make a bunch of money doing what I love to do but, not making such a big deal out of it either.
The thing is, I believe that folks have come & gone and have never heard of jesus or muhammed or buddha and whatnot and are not damned to hell. That’s only if you believe in it and it’s hard not to believe, because that’s how I was raised and I know if I was threatened to within an inch of my life: (Tossed into the lion’s den.) Raped, imprisoned & tortured, etc. Crashed in a car, plane, train, bus, etc. Earthquake, Fire, Flood, etc. I’d cry out for mummy, daddy, god, etc. If I was raised to believe my blue sock in a drawer or in a pile of lost socks from the world’s Laundromats, at the bottom of an ice floe, at the bottom of the ocean (If such were possible.) is/was the thing to believe & worship, I’d cry out for that in the same situation and I’d be justified to do so, and or helped through or out of it, as if I quoted scripture each and every day, and was rewarded to do so.
It’s what I am, who I am, where I am, that is: What I am, who I am, where I am today, etc.
‘Every thing,’ there is the season for it. I believe this quote from the bible and hear it in song from the 60's musical group: The Byrds, from time to time. No matter how rich or poor you are, I believe you’ll experience throughout your lifetime; misery & happiness, wealth & poverty, sickness and health. Life-it comes to/through us all. And then we die.
It matters what we do in between, sure. We may not get to wherever we try for. We may not be meant for perfection, but we try. The road to hell paved with good intentions, but yet we get there, to wherever we’re going. We do our best and that’s a comfort, it’s a sort of noble thing there that, for delusions’ sake in that belief system or not, is good. It’s good we have some kind of system of belief as it were, and it seems inescapable that we can get through here without one, whatever it is.
Be it BLUE MOSS that grows on all things but is only visible through the Twilight as described by the author of the WATCH series: Sergei Lukyanenko. I just finished his book {TWILIGHT WATCH} and I closed it with a smile and a refreshing outlook on life. Picked it up on lark. Saw the films (The first 2 of the Trilogy, based on Night Watch and Day Watch respectively.) on instinct as well and it’s paid me off in spades, I’d say.
Not every thing I do off/on the cuff does...or, not every thing "pays off" positively, that I can be proud/happy about its results, from reading a book; to seeing a movie, or saying whatever flipping thing enters my head over the public address system where I work. But, I guess I always get some results. Guess we all do. It’s not all pleasant or desirable, but if we step up to the plate, own up to it; we can live better, trying not to fall.
We’re not meant to be in the air (perfect). The book ended with a quote from a song, a lyric in Russian, I’ll probably never hear (never get a recording of) but we try. We try. We get a chance here to try and that’s pretty darn worthwhile.

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