Saturday, April 15, 2006

A Sort Of Introduction

It used to be that we were able to write and write a lot. We don't do that any more and we're not at all certain as to why. Guess real life just stepped in and stomped on all that. Buckyneal speaks here: "Fuck you,Lord Buckly." That's all I've got to say for now. This is annoying how slow the typing is appearing on the screen while I type. Oh well. At least here I am and if it works, if I'm discovered in a cafe some place...well, then, that's okay by me.

Now, here's something I wrote ages ago and is even found on the web at Chuck Taggart's Gumbo Pages which y'all should visit and check out some time:

by William McKenzie Neal

1 teaspoon of salt
1 tablespoon of vinegar
5 quarts of water
7 quarts of Wild Turkey, 101 proof
Mix in diced vegetables of any persuasion. (Diced Flanny Steak optional.) Boil contents till hell freezes over, making sure to trap the steam and whatever liquid there remains in the kettle. Throw the vegetables outside for the dogs. Drink the juice warm.
It wasn't until I got older, much older, that while I was scrounging around in my great-great-great Uncle Manny's foot locker that I found this and tried this horrendous recipe for vegetables. Maybe Uncle Manny lived in more lucrative circumstances. Maybe he grew his own vegetables, and it's why Flanny Steak was optional that he could mix his favorite bourbon in such a giant supply and then throw the vegetables outside. Either that, or he was just a plain out and out alcoholic. Either way I loved the man dearly, and I'm sure his dogs did too.

Copyright © 1985, William McKenzie Neal
Reproduced with permission.

I also have to say there's a book out now, (2 of them actually.), and they were hand made by Carmina Crittenden, and the story is: AFTER THE RESURRECTION, it's the story of Lazarus, as told by me, updated and played in the modern times of what if today, when Lazarus was done up then. Comprende? I'll have to find it and post it here.
For now however, you'll just have to suffer through a true life story via script format from an event which occurred to me on the bus on the way to work some time ago in San Francisco, when I used to live there.
It's called Jesus Terrorist Attack:

JESUS TERRORIST ATTACK Screenplay by William M. Neal

-Based on a True Story-

Fade In:


The Number 22 Muni Bus in San Francisco stops at the corner of 16th and Dolores. Out of the walled off steps outside Mission Dolores walk two Spanish speaking YOUTHS. One boarded the bus. Standing on the top platform, he began to speak to the DRIVER in Spanish, then in English.

I don’t have any money. Can’t I
Board any way?

It doesn’t work like that.
I can’t give you a free ride.
Now get off the bus.

(To the crowd)
Do you believe in Jesus?

A most effeminate MAN-1 near the front of the bus WHINES.

Please, get off the bus. I’m
late for an appointment.

(To Man-1)
Do you believe in Jesus?

From the back of the bus another MAN-2 SHOUTS

(To the YOUTH)
That’s got nothing to do with it.
Now get off the bus. We’ve got to go.

Please. I’m late.

Ask to be late in the name of

(To Driver)
Call the police. You have a phone.
Use it.

I cannot do anything.

Come on. Call the police. Use
your phone. Call the police.

(To the crowd)
Hey, are you going to just let
this guy do this to us?

(To Driver, Crowd)
Do you believe in Jesus? He’s
the only way.

(To Youth)
I’m sorry. Okay? Okay? I’m
Sorry! I believe in Jesus. But
don’t you think that Jesus
wouldn’t want us to be late?

At this, the Youth is taken slightly aback in his Jesus tirade. Then he quickly takes off again. He was high on jackrabbit semen, a volatile concoction, very unpredictable. He had his own mission besides Jesus and it wasn’t saving souls, it was kicking some ass.

(To the crowd)
Do you have a problem? Do you
have a problem? If you have a
problem, then step outside
with me.

The Crowd began to SHOUT.

Jesus Terrorist! Get off the bus!

Yeah. Get off the bus, you damn
Jesus Terrorist you. Damn freak
Get out of here!!

The Youth continued with the rant and was joined in with his (until then,) “silent partner”, in extracting tiny, red covered booklets from their pockets, and waving them at everyone shouting; “Jesus this...”, “Jesus that...”

Finally, the Youth turned around apropos nothing, and got off the bus, shouting more inanities in Spanish and English. Some people CLAPPED and others CHEERED.

OH, thank GOD!

The WOMAN sitting next to Man-1 CHUCKLED at the irony of his utterance.

So, that is how it went. The JESUS TERRORIST ATTACK on board the Fillmore #22 Marina Green MUNI bus in the Mission District, outside Mission Dolores on 16th at Dolores in San Francisco, California. Tuesday, the 3rd of January 1989.

True Story, actually happened, as near as I can remember, exactly like that. I wrote it down as it was happening and after the fact, as the bus lumbered along through the Mission District out to Hunter's Point, near where I worked at a Direct Mail Advertiser at the time, processing bulk mail.

I'll have to get LAZARUS to you some other time. I need to read now and eat and get going. I have laundry to do and a movie to watch...ta-tah for now, space travelers.

No comments: