Friday, January 18, 2008


WHERE IS THE PAIN coming from? And, are you disrespecting me? What the hell? I mean, I’m on the phone on the bus and in your face and what are you talking about? What the hell? Shut the fuck up. I’m just really trying to unwind from work and this guy is on the phone next to me on the bus and he’s talking to someone, possibly a younger brother or sister and he’s all up in their face with their “disrespecting” him, with “attitude”. What the fuck? I’m like, shut the hell up. You’re just a big egodick and you should check and cut it. I mean, you don’t have or need or get respect by thinking your shit doesn’t stink and calling and demanding that people immediately do as you expect or say.
Then I think, well that’s like me at work too, isn’t it? I demand and expect all of them to do as I say, exactly when I say it, with the deal of my job of: making sure things go right. Well, that’s in the exchange. I’m there as the ride operator. They are there as the riders. That’s the given deal. They are there just to have fun, sure, but like the boys at the zoo: get drunk, stoned, fuck up the help, and the help aint gonna help you, it’s going to eat you and it’s not any one’s fault but yours. Why bring a $500.00 stroller if you really can’t afford it?
I told the lady that, she shouldn't lock the stroller, that the cable would probably just get cut. And besides, all any one’d have to do is pull the pole out that she was about to lock her stroller to.
My money says, if you have the stroller, you can’t afford it if you can’t afford the lock (How much is that? That’s the real value or cost/worth of the stroller.) or the Stroller/Thing if it’s broken or stolen…to be able to replace it no problem. That is to say, you can’t afford the 600 bucks for things if you can’t replace another 600 the next day when/if the thing is lost stolen damaged. You can’t afford it. You’re not rich or not rich enough, so there.
The folks miffed or pissed about my making them finish their food, before going in. I shouldn’t have to explain that if I let the food in, it’s going to mess the way to the ride or the ride itself. But I do from time to time to help. Help explain WHY I’m telling them, or that that is a rule. (Where they get pissy probably is because they know that already and they’re just pissed that someone is actually enforcing it, that they can’t eat and ride too. Or maybe it’s something else.) It’s a given. I’m not letting food in to keep the place clean, an aesthetic difference/atmosphere which every one can enjoy. And, for the ride itself, if liquid were to spill and short out electronic circuitry, well then, every one’s inconvenienced, aren’t they? So, fuck! DO AS I SAY!!!
When I demand you put your fucking feet down now, DO IT!!! Because the door won’t close with your foot there and it may hurt you and will stop the ride with the door not closing at the point where it must be closed for the ride to operate properly. Sure, I have no cause for demanding people do that other than it’s my job and I supremely want them every one to do that…I really do only really because I want it all to run smoothly. I don’t want any one hurt and I don’t want to get in trouble/lose my job…etc.
But I don’t demand they respect me or like that. I just figure it like, do as I say because I’m the ride operator? I deserve that respect? They’re disrespecting me? NO, do it because that’s the way to make it go right; nothing more, nothing less. I don’t care about you or the situation any more than that. It’s nothing personal to me. But if people resist or get hissy about me or my possible “attitude”, then, yeah, I’m attitudinal on them sure. I don’t like the antagonism towards me if they’re antagonistic because I’m telling them something that’s for their own good and for the good of the whole show ride and general experience of every one around them. Yeah, that’s what I’m all about. Nothing more, I’d say.
Or so I say, or so I say. That’s what I’m talking or am all about; nothing more, nothing less. I don’t demand they or any one really “respects” me. I don’t care about that ego “satisfaction” or big headed penis-ness. I don’t give a fuck about that. That’s not my bag. They either do what I tell them or not. I don’t care. Not really.
I mean, I’m not bothered otherwise. I know, I tell my self that, they’re going to do whatever. People are going to do whatever they want/decide to do regardless of what any thing is told to them to do or what systems are in place with regard to where they are, etc. Nothing is going to stop them really from doing any thing they don’t want other than physics or whatever when they go too far with their behavior that won’t allow them to live if they touch the third rail, by accident or horseplay or whatever. That’s the only thing that’s going to really stop them. The tiger attacking them for fucking around with it. Yeah, theory says, you may or the possible outcome scenario is that, you may not make it, if you push a thing too far.
I guess that’s what some people want. They want some barriers they can’t go through…they want to know where they are…we all need some guide lines or posts of marked-ness, to know where or where not to go/build/be, etc. And all of us want some kind of sense or sensibility/reason with it. And that’s fair I think. But, with the ego in there and our demanding respect and loyalty with things, we’re only going to hurt ourselves. Demanding that people adhere to things as we believe, if we don’t at the outset setup and agree as a group to do this that or the other. These are the laws, and these the law enforcers, etc. Yeah, that makes a certain amount of sense. Yeah, I think I see this is where the pain is. (From the Self.) It comes from the self when we assume things that just are not that way. We bring it onto our selves.
No. Don’t go under/over the chains. I say to them when they do that. It’s difficult for people to process the way when though the way is clear before them, they see alongside another way and the way into the building they want. They don’t see the other door down the clear way path in front of them, the door being further down and out of readily available sight, (If they'd just be patient and go a little further.) like the doorway on their right is easily available to them at least visually, though through a pathway parallel to where they are now.
{{It’s their goal: GET INTO THE BUILDING THROUGH A DOOR. AH, THERE’S A DOOR ON THE PATH TO THE RIGHT, NOT ON THE ONE I’M ON NOW. (Am I going the wrong way? They say. Often to me out loud.}}
They want the end result (a door) which they see to their right naturally, and they think, am I on the right path? (NO. They’re on the left, but it is the correct one.) They’re on the correct one because the one on the right where the door is first visible, is blocked. Was blocked by me and a chain across the path in front of me. I put up the chain because I want no one coming in through the “wrong” path.
(They can go through there and get there but it’s for Fast Pass and in this instance, there’s no reason for Fast Pass to be used because there’s no wait. There needs to be a wait, a line of folks to go Fast Pass, to have Fast Pass work. Since there wasn't in this case. I didn’t want it used or open. There was no sensible need.)
They go under or over the chain again to get back to the left/correct path, I’m all upset again, because again they’re going like I told them not to, under/over the chain. The thing is not to have them do that because that’s where they could get hurt.
But, the pain is, I can’t stop them from hurting themselves. I can’t stop them from doing what they want or are going to do. They’re going to do whatever it is they want/are going to do. You can’t control people. They do what they do. You have to let it go.
I say sit back and relax. I need to sit back and relax. I say let it go. I want them to let the toy gun go because I need them to get out of the vehicle the moving mechanical vehicle, which the toy is attached, but they are not. (They are riders volunteering to ride.) I need them not to hang onto the front panel, because it will open soon, and I don’t want them hanging onto it because it will open automatically soon and they’re likely to get dragged with it, and they might get hurt. Let it go. Let it GO! LET! IT! GO!! I shout some times. Well, I need to let it go, it seems. And, that’s fucking sad on both our parts and the pain within…me…because I cause it…I cause that pain within…and that is really, truly, SAD! (I am causing my own pain. I cause the pain. I am the source of my own pain.) I know where the pain comes from. I am the pain where the pain comes from.

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