I KNOW WHERE THE PAIN COMES FROM

WHERE IS THE PAIN coming from? And, are you disrespecting me? What the hell? I mean, I’m on the phone on the bus and in your face and what are you talking about? What the hell? Shut the fuck up. I’m just really trying to unwind from work and this guy is on the phone next to me on the bus and he’s talking to someone, possibly a younger brother or sister and he’s all up in their face with their “disrespecting” him, with “attitude”. What the fuck? I’m like, shut the hell up. You’re just a big egodick and you should check and cut it. I mean, you don’t have or need or get respect by thinking your shit doesn’t stink and calling and demanding that people immediately do as you expect or say.
Then I think, well that’s like me at work too, isn’t it? I demand and expect all of them to do as I say, exactly when I say it, with the deal of my job of: making sure things go right. Well, that’s in the exchange. I’m there as the ride operator. They are there as the riders. That’s the given deal. They are there just to have fun, sure, but like the boys at the zoo: get drunk, stoned, fuck up the help, and the help aint gonna help you, it’s going to eat you and it’s not any one’s fault but yours. Why bring a $500.00 stroller if you really can’t afford it?
I told the lady that, she shouldn't lock the stroller, that the cable would probably just get cut. And besides, all any one’d have to do is pull the pole out that she was about to lock her stroller to.
My money says, if you have the stroller, you can’t afford it if you can’t afford the lock (How much is that? That’s the real value or cost/worth of the stroller.) or the Stroller/Thing if it’s broken or stolen…to be able to replace it no problem. That is to say, you can’t afford the 600 bucks for things if you can’t replace another 600 the next day when/if the thing is lost stolen damaged. You can’t afford it. You’re not rich or not rich enough, so there.
The folks miffed or pissed about my making them finish their food, before going in. I shouldn’t have to explain that if I let the food in, it’s going to mess the way to the ride or the ride itself. But I do from time to time to help. Help explain WHY I’m telling them, or that that is a rule. (Where they get pissy probably is because they know that already and they’re just pissed that someone is actually enforcing it, that they can’t eat and ride too. Or maybe it’s something else.) It’s a given. I’m not letting food in to keep the place clean, an aesthetic difference/atmosphere which every one can enjoy. And, for the ride itself, if liquid were to spill and short out electronic circuitry, well then, every one’s inconvenienced, aren’t they? So, fuck! DO AS I SAY!!!
When I demand you put your fucking feet down now, DO IT!!! Because the door won’t close with your foot there and it may hurt you and will stop the ride with the door not closing at the point where it must be closed for the ride to operate properly. Sure, I have no cause for demanding people do that other than it’s my job and I supremely want them every one to do that…I really do only really because I want it all to run smoothly. I don’t want any one hurt and I don’t want to get in trouble/lose my job…etc.
But I don’t demand they respect me or like that. I just figure it like, do as I say because I’m the ride operator? I deserve that respect? They’re disrespecting me? NO, do it because that’s the way to make it go right; nothing more, nothing less. I don’t care about you or the situation any more than that. It’s nothing personal to me. But if people resist or get hissy about me or my possible “attitude”, then, yeah, I’m attitudinal on them sure. I don’t like the antagonism towards me if they’re antagonistic because I’m telling them something that’s for their own good and for the good of the whole show ride and general experience of every one around them. Yeah, that’s what I’m all about. Nothing more, I’d say.
Or so I say, or so I say. That’s what I’m talking or am all about; nothing more, nothing less. I don’t demand they or any one really “respects” me. I don’t care about that ego “satisfaction” or big headed penis-ness. I don’t give a fuck about that. That’s not my bag. They either do what I tell them or not. I don’t care. Not really.
I mean, I’m not bothered otherwise. I know, I tell my self that, they’re going to do whatever. People are going to do whatever they want/decide to do regardless of what any thing is told to them to do or what systems are in place with regard to where they are, etc. Nothing is going to stop them really from doing any thing they don’t want other than physics or whatever when they go too far with their behavior that won’t allow them to live if they touch the third rail, by accident or horseplay or whatever. That’s the only thing that’s going to really stop them. The tiger attacking them for fucking around with it. Yeah, theory says, you may or the possible outcome scenario is that, you may not make it, if you push a thing too far.
I guess that’s what some people want. They want some barriers they can’t go through…they want to know where they are…we all need some guide lines or posts of marked-ness, to know where or where not to go/build/be, etc. And all of us want some kind of sense or sensibility/reason with it. And that’s fair I think. But, with the ego in there and our demanding respect and loyalty with things, we’re only going to hurt ourselves. Demanding that people adhere to things as we believe, if we don’t at the outset setup and agree as a group to do this that or the other. These are the laws, and these the law enforcers, etc. Yeah, that makes a certain amount of sense. Yeah, I think I see this is where the pain is. (From the Self.) It comes from the self when we assume things that just are not that way. We bring it onto our selves.
No. Don’t go under/over the chains. I say to them when they do that. It’s difficult for people to process the way when though the way is clear before them, they see alongside another way and the way into the building they want. They don’t see the other door down the clear way path in front of them, the door being further down and out of readily available sight, (If they'd just be patient and go a little further.) like the doorway on their right is easily available to them at least visually, though through a pathway parallel to where they are now.
{{It’s their goal: GET INTO THE BUILDING THROUGH A DOOR. AH, THERE’S A DOOR ON THE PATH TO THE RIGHT, NOT ON THE ONE I’M ON NOW. (Am I going the wrong way? They say. Often to me out loud.}}
They want the end result (a door) which they see to their right naturally, and they think, am I on the right path? (NO. They’re on the left, but it is the correct one.) They’re on the correct one because the one on the right where the door is first visible, is blocked. Was blocked by me and a chain across the path in front of me. I put up the chain because I want no one coming in through the “wrong” path.
(They can go through there and get there but it’s for Fast Pass and in this instance, there’s no reason for Fast Pass to be used because there’s no wait. There needs to be a wait, a line of folks to go Fast Pass, to have Fast Pass work. Since there wasn't in this case. I didn’t want it used or open. There was no sensible need.)
They go under or over the chain again to get back to the left/correct path, I’m all upset again, because again they’re going like I told them not to, under/over the chain. The thing is not to have them do that because that’s where they could get hurt.
But, the pain is, I can’t stop them from hurting themselves. I can’t stop them from doing what they want or are going to do. They’re going to do whatever it is they want/are going to do. You can’t control people. They do what they do. You have to let it go.
I say sit back and relax. I need to sit back and relax. I say let it go. I want them to let the toy gun go because I need them to get out of the vehicle the moving mechanical vehicle, which the toy is attached, but they are not. (They are riders volunteering to ride.) I need them not to hang onto the front panel, because it will open soon, and I don’t want them hanging onto it because it will open automatically soon and they’re likely to get dragged with it, and they might get hurt. Let it go. Let it GO! LET! IT! GO!! I shout some times. Well, I need to let it go, it seems. And, that’s fucking sad on both our parts and the pain within…me…because I cause it…I cause that pain within…and that is really, truly, SAD! (I am causing my own pain. I cause the pain. I am the source of my own pain.) I know where the pain comes from. I am the pain where the pain comes from.

Another Saturday Night...

Another Saturday night and I have me myself and I to thank for getting through MY weekend. I have as this night is my "Sunday", only 12 more hours or so to get into unconsciousness, sleep some, and get up and get ready and then rock and roll doing my driving on a pre-cast 12" across concrete I-Beam, and then come home and hope is not see a movie or buy any thing.
And that's about it. I hope to make people happy and be in a good mood all day. Hope to have it all with me, the muse, the mood, the metier sublime. But, I won't know exactly what will be until I face it first and foremost, first hand. I will at that however, I will at that. I will face it head on as always. As All Ways. As I always do.
I've changed the format of this blog and I've hope is got it cinched and staying...hope is...hope is...
It's a lovely change. The words just stand out from the body of the page and it looks real neat. Hope is. Hope is. ENJOY!!

Another Link To Another of My Signed up Sites

This here's a link to Technorati...I don't even know yet what all I have to do here to make sure that every thing transfers there....but, I'm trying...and, I want it all hooked up nicely. I do belive in the ubiquitous nature of this net....some day it will be, even for us bassnackward people here in the United States of America, Norteno.

Enjoy!

Technorati Profile

The First In Something...

IF IT'S DESCRIBED as something 1st, as in the first man who combed his hair from right to left across his forehead, you'd better take pause. There's usually a woman beside him trying to change his ways to do just that and then the real truth of the matter is...But seriously folks, that Norgay wasn't first up Everest I don't agree.
BUT WHAT DO I know? I can't stand cold or hot weather. I can't get warm now and I'm drinking only my second glass of Ruby Red Grapefruit juice. Great for the rest of my body, but horrible horrible horrible for my teeth.
Been reading Ed Viesturs' No Shortcuts To The Top and John Harlin III's The Eiger Obssession. And Ed's book is ghost written, i.e. it was WRITTEN by another person, himself a writer of many mountain climbing books...just, Ed is not a writer. Or he's not a going organizer of words on paper, and so with not so much time or capability, booked a deal with David Roberts.
[David Roberts is the fella who was a mentor to Jon Krakauer and Jon was just one of the idols as it were of Ed Viesturs. Ed as a kid read Annapurna, by Maurice Herzog, and was heavily into it as far as wanting to climb mountains with inspiration like that.]
Now, I don't know any thing of what goes on there...the composition of their work...to get that 12 Peaks book going...where the deal was made or under what auspices. Who cares? It's a great read. Any book going that you may see/read, is done with more than one. I mean, you may see: T.S. Eliot on the cover, and he himself was instrumental in shaping other writers' works, but, he was edited too. Others had a hand in it. We're not all hollow men, but, as vapid, and superficial as we are, there are others along who help facilitate. Ed even talks about it in his book. HA!
Just wanted to say, it has been interesting of late where I've been, and where I've wanted to be and what's going on and what's not and how things can be so hey relate etc this thing or the other and how all the things that click so. Still, my show sucks. It's not on so much like I want. But yet I plod on.

Life of Late In A Nut Shell

The Indian wisdom has this to say about things and it's basically a paraphrase about every thing every one else has always said and is saying and that is that if you listen to me you're doomed. But, having said that, I'll tell you any way. Sort of like How to Improve the World; You'll Only Make Matters Worse, something quoted from John Cage, the Great American weirdo composer. Four Minutes and 33 seconds of silence, in three distinct movements. I'd prefer Shiek Yerbouti, but Frank Zappa's lyric's are insane, asinine and ridiculously funny.
But back to the point. I think that if you do your best do your duty that's all you can do and you try. That's it. You can't possibly do or be any more or better than that. You're true to that and it's something all the way back to the Greeks have you know, the name is on your tongue now if you do, isn't if you don't, but you'd be interested to find out some day and then it hits you like a storm right between the peepers: satori. Wake up.
Okay. Well, it was a successful day but didn't all feel as though it was very much. I've had these before and at least I am writing and have not spent so much...but, do want some money gone but not like I'd have to do it if I was on the net via one hella expensive but connected mobile device which takes pictures and notes and can get me on line wherever basically.
That's good and great and confound it, sucks! TOO EXPENSIVE!!
Sure, with AT&T a fella could have the HTC slider and be really hooked up. Get a cable and get a folding keypad and write a way. HOO! Slick! But 80 plus a month to be on line that way? F-that F, I say. F-that F! I'd love to have it. Love to know that I spent only $150.00 on a device that kicks royal arse on all the other metal/plastic pda/phone boxes out there...lovely to look at sort of but so what? More for function I am. More for punching in the data and getting around and being fricken HOOKED UP!!! Oh-yeah! EV-DO etc. But whatever.
In time they will be less expensive and hook up better and the net will be more in line with that BIG ARSE LIE: It's ubiquitous now. Yeah, right. Give me a break. We're building your infrastructure superhighway with us buying all of your stupidly expensive devices and supposed "SERVICES", and we don't get much out of it at all but a weak bank account and grief every now and then.
What am I on/off about? If you haven't given a thought to writing on line or carrying around with you a device that has a 3.1 megapixel camera and usb hookage along with bluetooth and wi-fi and a really beautiful large and easy to use keypad under the touch screen loaded with the latest Microsoft small web device software, Vista too, but something like 6. something version...well, that's really rocking as far as I'm concerned, and if I can get HTC's device from AT&T for around 150 as a result of being a new customer, and if I can afford 80 plus a month of service for net/phone use, well, that's really great, no? NO! It shouldn't be so expensive!
But, at least it won't cost me 5 or 600 bills for the unit itself! And that's what it costs if you just went out and bought it...so, that's a great deal right there. Almost but not quite reason alone to go and do it.
But, what you pay to be hooked up just for email and blogging, because you really don't give a rats ass about downloading music, and it's horrible to try to surf with those tiny screens and the damn small mega space of the hard drive as it were...well, you know, as I said, you do better to stay hooked via usb device air hooked dsl as I do...the router downstairs and me up...but, what? Where am I going to be in three years? Here?
I just looked at my stuff in storage today and said: I can't. I can't. I can't. And, I couldn't. I didn't. I don't know why. Told myself a while back: NO new phone until you free up that cash. 140 a month!! Damn, use that for your....why spend that? SAVE!
Same thing for every one. SAVE. Create a "Safe Haven". Get it in a ROTH IRA! You know, you're not going to make it into the future. You're not writing a book. You're not writing a novel or prose or poetry. You're barely reading...so...you know...what? WHAT! What is this life? You try. You try to, and then you die. That's it. Nothing more nothing less. And any one tells you different, is full of the most disgusting heap of slimy excrement, the world has ever known.
Sure now. And if you don't mind. I won't really try to force my way on you, but you know, doing what I do, eventually, it will. You'll come in contact. I work and see how stupid it is, how people could just be a little bit more perceptive to the circumstance. You could too. You could too and just not let it bother you. But, you do. You let it get you all bent out of shape. Who is the more stupid in this circumstance? YOU!
You try and then you die. No more. No less. I hope this answers some questions you've had. I pray to you. Hope all your dreams come true. I know not all of mine will. There will be no monorail down the center of the 405 free way in my lifetime. There will be no device I'll be able to use to be blogging this on the fly no matter where I go without having to spend/pay a HELL of a LOT of money on either periphereals or just the device it self or on the damn hook up "service" (provider). NO. No VOIP on this HTC phone. Dammit!
I'll bet there is a way. I'll bet, for some savvy person, they could clue me in and get it going right. I'll bet. SYMBIAN logic. LINUX something...I'll bet, and we'll all then save some fricken money and be able to blog ubitquitously. One can only hope.
One can only hope...and then try. Realize here and there and maybe all along the way be a little bit happy with all the sad stupid confusing times trials phenomena phenomenon one passes through. One comes (here) just to go...life is a journey. From some where beyond never was to maybe something else. We certainly hope. We certainly hope....but, really ultimately?
No one knows. No one knows for sure, and if any one tells you any different, they are full of it...full of make believe that doesn't merit pondering or posting, because it's all lies then. It's all lies. And nothing of beautiful confabulation to make beautiful statements about life in the bitter extreme. Nothing. There is nothing to that line of logic or of reasoning. It's cat crap! And I don't mean that stuff you use to keep glasses clear of the fog either.